Why do some people have loving parents and some do not?

My father died, years ago, but my mother is still around, and still resents the fact that I’m not heterosexually married, with 2.6 perfect children, fulfilling the fantasy life she’s certain “god told her” was the way my life was going to unfold.

I’m not crying in my beer at the unfairness of all of this. Nobody ever promised me parents who’d actually love me, or who’d care to be in my life.

It’s taken years, but I’m just… forced to accept that my parents were tall children, when they married, and they were utterly unprepared to be married, to have children, or really, much else.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

Because some parents shouldn’t ever have been parents.

She resents me for not being who she required me to be.

We just… get the parents we get. Sometimes we get people who love their kids fiercely, who wanted them from the moment they were conceived… and sometimes, we don’t.

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She never should have had kids. At all. She’s told me as much. (Back when we still spoke, some, she told me once she’d rather look at pictures of me as a kid, than try to have a relationship with me as an adult. Well. Fine. As you wish.)

I have no doubt that she “loves” me, after a fashion. Sort of.

It’s just that the kind of “love” she’s capable of just… isn’t enough.

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